Books to Help You Regain Control of Your Life
The Disease To Please: Dr. Harriet B. Barkier
Braiker begins her book with a quiz to find out whether you’re a people pleaser or not. Chances are if you’ve picked up this book, you probably already think you are. The quiz doesn’t just establish how much of a people pleaser you are but also why. Her concept of why people are people pleasers is made up of three things – your mindset, your habits and your feelings. This book will help you discover why you’re a people pleaser, then will help you find ways to stop. She helps you understand the thoughts that go behind why you do things, is it for approval? to avoid disapproval? whatever the reason is, Braiker will help you discover it. She goes right back to your childhood and past experiences to uncover your truth and helps you learn to put yourself first.
Boundaries: When to Say Yes, How to Say No To Take Control of Your Life: Dr Henry Cloud & Dr. John Townsend
Cloud and Townsend advocate the importance of setting boundaries for yourself and how these boundaries will improve your life significantly. They believe that setting boundaries will lead to true happiness and success. They explain how it’s not your job to solve everyone else’s problems and if you help everyone/ yes to everything you will suffer. Protecting your emotions and spirit is vital to happiness. Also, they argue against common misconceptions such as setting boundaries is a selfish act. In fact, they explain how it’s self-love and 100% necessary to a healthy and balanced lifestyle. Not having them will affect physical, mentally, emotionally and spiritually. And we must set them with friends, family, spouses, co-workers and even ourselves.
Codependent No More by Melody Beattie
Beattie starts her self-book off by defining codependency and helps you to work out if you are in fact, codependent. She helps you identify any characteristics which may make might make you susceptible to co-dependency. And also gives many thought out and extremely helpful solutions to overcoming it. She speaks about how codependence has never been taking seriously until the present day. And how it’s actually just as serious (if not more) than different types of addiction. An example she uses in her book is being in a relationship with an addict which can turn someone codependent (a common case). As they are so focused on helping, and in some cases, controlling that person that they lose focus of their own life.
Not Nice: Stop People Pleasing, Staying Silent, & Feeling Guilty And Start Speaking Up, Saying No, Asking Boldly, and Unapologetically Being Yourself by Dr. Aziz Gazipura
Gazipura helps you establish if you’re being too nice and not allowing yourself to be who you really are. He talks about how you can escape the prison of politeness without feeling guilty and connect back to who you are (without the influence of others). This book has been very controversial because many critics believe it’s important to be nice to everyone. However, Cazipuras book isn’t saying ‘don’t be nice’, he’s saying it’s important to be assertive and say ”no” to others when necessary. And that you can in fact suffer from being too nice. The aim of the book is to help you discover who you are, confidently and effectively ask for what they want, speak freely, and stop caring what others think.
When It’s Never About You by Dr Ilene S. Cohen
Cohen talks about the people pleasers in our world and how many of them there are. She labels them as pushovers, approval seekers, doormats and worse of all, self-sabotagers. She advocates the importance of satisfying yourself before the needs of others. If you don’t, you risk mentally and physically draining yourself. She talks about real-life examples and the negative effects it will have on your relationships if you’re a people pleaser, despite many believing different. She doesn’t say be completely selfish but rather focus on your needs first before helping others. You cannot pour from a cup that’s empty. You’ll eventually drain your energy if you carry on living your life for others. The main message is that it’s time to put yourself first and starting living life for yourself.